Let’s talk about parenting.
What were your parents like? Were they loving or tough? Caring or disciplined? Understanding or directive?
If you are a parent, how would you describe yourself?
It took me 40 years to come to terms with where my relationship with my parents has brought me.
As a high achiever, I was always driven by success. I used to keep asking for validation from my parents and proving my worth to them to deserve their love and affection. Their expectations fueled my desire to please them.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m completely proud and happy with my achievements, and I will forever be grateful to my parents.
However, when they passed away – I was 27 then – I kept living for the same reason for the next 13 years.
I was unconsciously trying to please them even when they weren’t with me anymore.
And then I had that eureka moment. I realized I was in full control.
So, I decided to live my own life from that moment on.
My journey to coaching was the journey of UN-conditioning and finding myself.
Now let me tell you a story about my client today.
She was in tears because she missed her mother who died 8 years ago. After her death, she went on to work for years, trying to find a new career path without much success.
To my client, her mother was a great advisor. In fact, because of her guidance, my client demonstrated extremely high performance to provide and serve others.
Therefore, she never felt the need to answer this question, “What do you really want?” It was already given in plain sight.
But this changed when her greatest advisor passed away.
Each of our stories might be different but I’m sure you would agree on this:
Most of us have been influenced greatly by our parents and our family, whether consciously or unconsciously.
Good or bad, I’m sure they had a role in our lives. They made an impact on our personalities.
As children, we need adults’ protection through their guardianship and authority. Our lives are in their hands, educating us and teaching us life skills up until we grow old enough to fend for ourselves.
Some will succeed and some will do less…
But here’s the thing. Our parents normally create the foundations of who we are.
Most animals do the same thing. They give birth and take care of their young till they get independent. They teach them how to survive and how to feed themselves. Then, they let them go like strangers in the wild, with no attachment.
Their duty is accomplished and there are no expectations, no regrets, and no guilt.
The offspring don’t judge if they had good parents or bad parents. They continue to live and execute their roles on earth.
They seem to innately know their mission and why they are in this world by simply living in it.
But what about us, humans?
Our brains are a bit more complicated and sophisticated because we evolve. We build relationships, ownerships, and belongingness which create meanings, feelings, emotions and memories.
It doesn’t mean one person can really control someone else’s life.
Our lives are unique and each of us is here for a mission. We are all here to live experiences.
So the bottom line is, our parents may be here to create the foundations for us, but they also leave us choices as we grow and mature.
We all have different parents and that’s what makes us different too. They may be our foundation, but we depend on our decision to become who we are tomorrow…
Love doesn’t give us the right to possess someone but to serve and contribute beyond ourselves. People in our lives have roles to play and influences to make.
The question is, do we make the right decisions out of these influences to lead us to our purpose?